Peaceful...

It's been a while, but here I am. I think Facebook and Instagram has really played a big part in me not having a big urge to blog much... I get my 'things' out there pretty quickly on both mediums and feel like I have not much more left to say. It's out there in the photos I take and the pages I like on fb and the comments I make... 

But I do have things to say, and this is my place to say them. I'm not sure who even reads this blog or indeed if anyone does. I'm not sure I'm bothered either way, I guess I could make it private and write whatever the hell I like, but I feel that if I leave it open, I at least will write things with a little bit of censorship. I am also worried about who will read the things I write. Maybe I could start a totally anonymous blog and really let fly. Bride stripped bare style! LOL! No, I couldn't do that. 

Today I have been doing a little soul searching. What do I want? How am I going to get it? Who am I? 

Why do I let other people affect me so much? (this is my main thing)

I am feeling a bit as if I'm not important to some people... And that's ok. I was upset at something Friday night but it ended up being a good thing as it fuelled me to look at ways I can feel better about myself and look for ways to make that happen.

So, I had a cry Friday night. I was feeling frustrated. I miss miss miss my husband. Would I feel better if he was home every night? ABSOLUTELY!!! But it's just not that easy. I would love my husband to be home every night, just it's just not gonna happen anytime soon.... Unless we move again and I can't face that for various reasons. Unless it's the tropics, tropics I can do. If my husband was home every night that is...

A little while ago I read one of Tatum's blog posts about goal setting, and it really resonated with me. I'm a bit of a bumbler, I bumble through and never really sort shit out. So today, after feeling so crap last night, I decided that I wasn't going to let what others do make me feel like shit anymore. I guess I really am an insecure type of person. If you are a friend of mine reading this, I'm not sure if this part of me makes it to the surface... Or does it?

I made a big list of things that I want to change or remember about life. 

Things like... 

reconnecting with old friends and connecting more with new ones.

get more involved. with Kindy, with school.

be a good role model for my kids.

stay out of other peoples drama or it'll become my drama.

make good choices and lose the guilt.

enjoy and take control of this parenting journey.

get outdoors more, in the garden, down the beach on a shitty day, just to feel the air on the skin.

be grateful and AWARE of what I do have.

don't worry about people who don't worry about you. touché

set limits for myself on social media. It can be a life sucker.... 

exercise.

don't eat what I don't need.

that I don't have to be happy all the time.

control what I can, let go of the rest.

and to also start making goals to become an SSO sometime next year. (that's another brainstorming session)

So all these and more are written on a A4 sheet and stuck above my bed, to remind me of who I am and what I want to attract in life... 

I am ok. 

I think of my emotions and my life as a rollercoaster, there are ups and downs. When I feel down, I just know there is an up around the corner, and THAT is what keeps me feeling ok. And I am who I am. Sometimes that depresses me. I look at other people who 'have' it all 'together' but in my heart I know that we all struggle, and we all could be kinder to each other and to ourselves.

Phew, who needs a therapist, you just need a blog!! 

Anyways.. Onto things that are making me happy lately... 

Rainbows.. Enough said.

Crafty kids... 

   

A jumping kid.

Lemon and garlic on roast veg. Too good. Try it. Roast lemon is really good!

A dolphin swimming along as I walked... 

My chicken noodle salad.

 Looking forward to this book landing in my mailbox this week.. 

Crocheting all these squares together, feeling kinda proud.

And some wisdom just for me. Come with love and I'll love you right back. 

Today's rainbow.. I do love them. 

I'm out of here. Are you like me and totally overthink things? Are you trying to make yourself feel a little better? There's so much to be grateful for, it's a matter of seeing it... 

xx

Week 2

Well, here I am at the end of week 2, and I've kept up the walking weekdays except for yesterday when Mia stayed home from school. I thought I could ask one of my parents to come up and stay with the kids while I went out but they were both busy so it didn't happen. Doesn't matter though. I had a pretty crap day with the kids, Mia should have gone to school, and next time I'll send her with a note to say that she can come home if she's ill. Not keep her home and then discover that she isn't sick after all. The girls have been bickering quite a lot and I found myself on Wednesday feeling exhausted. Crazy exhausted. And then the motivation slips, and then yesterday I didn't really care that I didn't go for a walk, but I think if I had of it would have helped me to feel better. I just feel a bit out of whack. Missing Brenton being here of an evening. Two years of FIFO and I still get down about it all sometimes. Some parts of me wish we'd never left but a huge part of me is happy that we are here too, but feel like I'm not being the best Mum I can be, just overwhelmed with it all at times. When the motivation is high, all is well, but when things slip, (and my motivation waxes and wanes and I don't even know why) it all goes a bit astray. And that's when I start to question everything. 

It's going to be my birthday on Monday. I think as an adult I just get less and less excited about celebrating. I'm certainly not worried about ageing. That doesn't bother me at all. I feel I'm a much better person in my late 30's than ever before. I like myself alot more. And having my little family is a big part of that. 

Brenton is home in 5 sleeps. We are supposed to be going camping while he is home over the long weekend. I hope the weather holds out for us. A little bit of rain is ok, but not buckets and not much wind either. Too much to ask for? Ok, I know I'm asking too much but it's been 5 months since we have gone, so I think I'm allowed to beg Hughie for some good weather. (Hughie, for those that don't know, is the fantasy male figure who controls the weather!!) (Have you heard of him?)

Other than all that, I've been cleaning, crocheting little bit of gardening and watching copious amounts of Offspring. I only have 3 eps of Season 3 to go and then I'm caught up to the new Season which sucks because then I'll be waiting for weekly doses. I need to find my copy of Season 1 to lend to a friend, who knows where I've put it but I haven't forgotten my friend if you so happen to read this!! 

Happy Friday and hope you have a good weekend. I'm off out Saturday night which is a welcome thing. A night without the kids!! Yay!! One time when I went out, my Mum bought them back at 8:30 the next morning which I kindly asked NOT to happen this time. I need a sleep in. And I probably won't sleep in at all, but I just need a little time to myself. Although I must say my fantasy is getting a sea view room at the Lincoln, crocheting, vodka, room service and a couple of good movies.. LOL! 

Til next time. 

Walk

This week I've been walking. 4 days in a row and tommorow will make it 5. I'm going to walk 5 days a week. I've said it. Not quite out loud, but it's out nonetheless. 

I've been watching from the sidelines proudly as my friends get fit and go running or go to the gym.. I haven't been happy with myself that I'm just not doing anything.. 

What's that saying? 

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.... 

(or something like that) 

Or my favourite..

I'm not even sure where I found this, maybe on Facebook perhaps on pinterest. But I do like it. I can fantasise about a better me all I like but if I don't change things, things won't change. 

So from now on, I'm not going to over think this walking everyday, just going to get out and do it. I still have Lexi's pram and seeing as she's still a pipsqueek, I know she will happily sit in it while we get out there and walk on the days she isn't at Kindy or at Nanna and Poppys place. 

I am one of those women who wonder who is watching me, of making a fool of myself (and yes, to friends of mine, that particular statement might be hard to believe) and feeling intimidated (in my head) of other more capable people... but I am ultra self conscious... I wear the same sorts of clothes, and do the same sorts of things all the time. Because I am comfortable with that. I have been comfortable for too long. I self sabotage all the time!! Not long til 40 now, time to get the skates on. When I build up a little bit of confidence I wouldn't mind doing some work on my upper body.. Not sure about the tuck shop lady arms that are happening, and I like feeling strong and capable and lately I feel myself weakening...  It's a sign of getting older perhaps. Hard to accept when you still feel like you're about 20!! That's what keeps me feeling positive about ageing, is that I still feel young (maybe act too young) 

It's all about confidence really... I just want to feel good about myself. And some days I do and some days I don't. But I can say that I'm feeling pretty good this week. Eating properly (without over thinking that too) and walking. I can feel myself walking taller already. 

How are you? Are you walking tall? 

x

The layouts E2C 2013

It felt so good to get my scrap on, getting memories down.

One thing I almost always do on my layouts is write the story behind the photo. 

I like to do that so the kids and anyone else reading have an idea of what was happening at the time. 

It's usually just a scribble but I like to do it.

Friday night we did Kim Jeffress's class. When we opened our kit, I was totally overwhelmed. 

This was no ordinary layout class. But I just wanted to scrap layouts!! I knew it was a memory file, but I didn't realise what was involved.. I was overwhelmed!!!! 

But as we got going with it, and I looked at my photos that I had picked out to use, I became more and more excited. This was a great class. I simply fell in love!! I used this to pop my Darwin photos from last year in it. I really do love it!! Above is the front cover. Lexi on Mindil beach at sunset and Mia and I at P/L Airport before we left...

Then inside of the the file. Lots of flaps and hidey bits!

One of the flaps on the left hand side.

The flap on the right hand side... Waiting for the bus to take the girls and I to Parap Markets, and Mia relaxing in our Darwin City apartment, which was lovely!

The right hand side, with a pull out bit of us back home in the cold!! Fire happening, and sleeping kids on the lounge and poor tired Mia asleep at Adelaide airport after our red eye flight home. Never taking that flight again with kids.. Was quite hellish!! 

I really love this project, and would make a really lovely gift. And now that I know what I'm doing, I'll be making more. I did accidentally order some Memory Files in a online order not long ago, I thought they were smaller when I ordered them, when they arrived, I thought what the hell am I going to do with these?? And now I know!! I have heaps of ideas!! We went to Thailand a few years ago, and I think I'll be using one for that!! Thanks Kim!!! It was a fantastic eye opener class!! 

Now for the rest of my Layouts... All pretty self explanatory if you can read the words on the LO's.

The helicoper and the sea layouts were from Sharmaine's class, I did two, just because I could. I really loved using the texture paste. Another eye opener as to other elements that I can easily add to my pages!! 

This is from Eb's class, another great class, because she advised us to be free with it, which I loved too!! And I do absolutely love Eb's scrapbooking style, so was fun to learn a few of the things that she does!! Oh yes!! 

This LO of my first cuddle with Mia after her c-section is another reason why I could never scrap chronologically. I really enjoy taking a trip down memory lane while I scrap, and I just adore this photo! She's nearly 9 now, I may have already scrapped this photo, but I just love re-visitng that memory... My first baby, so special. The time I had with her as a newborn was simply divine. The unrushed time you have with that firstborn in the beginning is special, I had no idea what I was doing, but it didn't matter.. 

Can't wait to scrap some more with gorgeous friends!!! 

It was simply wonderful to share my table with Tatum, Lauren, Mardi, Liz and Anele. I did love seeing my friends from Adelaide and beyond, it was just special watching Tatum put her pages together, I love that. And Lauren, I just love her style, and her sentiments... And Mardi, well, last year I was almost starstruck at meeting her, but this year was just lovely as we 'knew' each other, too too nice!! Liz is such a creative soul, it's lovely for her to get some art into her soul over the weekend, giggle with her, and watch her put her memories down! Anele is still a 'newbie' scrapper, but I think she learnt way more this weekend, and was quite happy with learning all these new little tips and tricks... We are all always learning new things, and I've been scrapping long enough now to see trends come, then go, and then come back but in new ways.. Always good!! Again HUGE thanks to Amanda and Meredith and everyone who came together and made E2C possible!! 

Thanks for visiting, please leave me a comment, especially if you were also at the retreat... and share a link to you blog if you indeed have one. 

xx

Escape 2 Create 2013

Escape 2 Create 2013

Another year has come and gone!! Not fair... 

Anyway, there was talk of next year yesterday so that makes me feel very happy!!

The scene on Friday.. SO much scrappy goodness!!

Our table, not sure if you can see but there is a pom pom garland with the photos of who was on our table.. Very special. And in the little chevron bag was all our little goodies. So special, lots of yummy things, and a few vouchers that I plan on putting to good use!! Thanks to all who contributed to these little bags. Alot of work for Amanda and Meredith and helpers to put together, but one of the things that make the retreat that more special!!  

Love Moet time, although I think I like Vueve better, which figures as Tatum and Lauren informed me that it is more expensive than Moet. What is that saying about top shelf taste on a beer budget?? 

 I stood on Lauren's chair and took a photo of the scene below. A really good scene... After I finish this post I'm off to play in my scrap area. I feel really inspired.. How could you not after this weekend??

 Most needed fluid receptacles... Champagne glass, cocktail glass, tall glass for a quiet vodka and soda and of course our much loved coffee cups that we receive every year. I love them so!! 

 Not enough people photos this year... Which is a pity, but I snapped a pic of me and this special lady, Liz!! I'm so lucky to have met her and become a friend through other friends, but so nice to have this crafty side in common. I do love that. And she has a fantastic eye for colour and all things arty. Thanks for becoming my friend and sharing the scrappy/arty love... Hope I'm not too hard work.. 

Not very happy with myself for neglecting to get photos with Tatum, Lauren, Mardi and Anele.. Who knew what I was thinking? We were all in the scrappy zone, I guess that's what happened... Next year, I will be taking selfies all over the place!! 

 Sipping on a yummy Raspberry Daiquiri (man I had a hard time spelling that!!)

I didn't have too many, they went straight to my head!! Phew... 

But I did love the way it looked in the light on Friday night!! LOL!!

And that's about it for the social photos, I did take photos of my layouts with my phone, but want to photograph them properly so I will be back perhaps later today or tommorow with those...

Thanks again to Amanda and Meredith and every other person involved with this retreat. I wish I could go back and do it again next week.. A huge build up, then we are there getting into it, then whoosh, it's over again. I appreciate all the time and effort that Amanda and Meredith put into these retreats to make them so special, almost magical, I do love them... 

14 days...

Well, I was going to try and post every Sunday as of my last post, mainly as I want to start recording the mundane, the boring and the good bits again. Looking back through my blog, I think that it is important to record it.... 

So, in the last fortnight we... 

 Still just keep loving htis rocky local beach. A few minutes drive from our home, but just lush...

 Painted wooden bits from Cheap as Chips... 

We love paint in this house...

 I keep working on this Granny Square blanket. I was inspired to use these colours because of one I saw that Mrs Woog picked up an Op Shop a while ago. I took a screen shot of it and keep checking back on colour scheme.... I'm half way through the last 6 blocks...

 A sick chook on the mattress in the lounge... 

Only to bounce back a few hours later... 

Packed up these babies and sent them off to Tassie for Woolies for Tassie... 

Started a new painting because the one I was working on in Art Class sucked big time. 

I got embarassed in class about the painting that sucked and cried.. Hot tears of embarrassment. Those who know me well enough know that is how I roll. I hate it but it is me.

And because I was painting, a little Miss thought she would too!! 

 A new purchase of a handy book. Well, heres hoping it comes in handy.

 Finding a photo of your big girl with your sleeping little girl. And to think she was worried about other kids waking Lexi up... (we were at a friends place, quite late!)

 A visit to another beautiful local beach, 25 mins from home... A popular spot!

 Soooo lucky. I don't take the sea for granted any more... 

 Another sick girl on the mattress in our room. Sore ear. They like to camp out in our room when they feel not so flash. 

 Donna Hay brownies whipped up in the thermie... A deluxe delish devilish sugary chewy treat. Mmm!!

 A quick little rainbow blanket for Lexi's coote little baby. (That's what she calls this particular little bub that she has)

 More tomatoes.. Man o man.. Remind me to never grow the tiny little cherry tomatoes. Ever. Again. So small and the plant produced hundreds. Quite sick of them at the end.. Especially when I can't persuade anyone else to help me pick them. And it's really not over yet. 

 Daddy and Lexi after Kindy. This little chicken adores her Dad, and is missing him in a big big way when he's not here. 

 Browsing yummy crochet on Instagram. Just yummy I tell you!! 

 A new cookbook for use with the Thermomix. I also won one on Friday night at a Thermo cooking class/demo. Happy lady!! 

 My Dad's birthday. Proud Pop with his littlest Grandkids... 

 Out for lunch for Dad's birthday. These two under the table is way better than them running around the restaurant!! 

 Blowing out the candles at morning smoko!! 

Then Lexi had a friend over for a play.. They trashed the place.. the floor around and behind them was covered in toys.. But they are cute, so they get away with it!! 

 A cute little face... 

 A feather for Eden.... 

I think of her with every feather we find.

 It feels wrong to be talking about alcohol after mentioning Eden, but I'm going to have a go at brewing some of my own ciders in preservative free juice.

 Sending some friends a map of how to find Elder Park in Adelaide, after seeing on the nightly news that Neil Finn and Paul Kelly were having a free concert there. I text my friends who were there, who knew nothing about it, and they had a great time!! 

 Chocolate chip Anzacs. I'm not into all the clean eating with a no sugar diet for my kids, BUT I'm going to stop buying crap with all the sugar, and the ADDITIVES, and have made an effort in the last couple of weeks to make my own home made sugar filled, preservative free food. At least I know I've made it myself. As for me, I have a little sugar here and there, but am no longer craving chocolate the same as I used to. (and it doesn't taste the same when I do eat it, the same for ice-cream) (Bummer, because I used to luuuuurve ice-cream) 

 I made Apricot Chicken Risotto in the Thermie to test on my guinea pigs (Mum & Dad) and they loved it, a new favourite. I asked them for tea on Thursday night, Brenton flew out at 2, so thought it might be a nice distraction for them to come up... It was very nice, so fresh in flavour which I think is what I really love about the thermomix. It's all fresh as a daisy baby!! 

 A scrap session with Kathryn produced 3 layouts. Which I was going to sub, but have decided against.  So here they are. I do like them! 

Thermomix cooking demo/class on Friday inspired me to make Chocolate Hot Cross Bums Buns early on Sat morning.. Yum, they were devoured within minutes of being at my Nanna's when I took them for morning smoko... 

 I took the girls to Wendy's this morning for icecream. (I didn't have any) And it was lovely for them to enjoy and icecream on the front street with the sea breeze around us... 

 My tropical corner. Just because. Why not I say? 

The elephant ears I am proud of. I pluck them out of our back garden when they are teensy weensy and pop them in pots and away they go. I don't really want to let them take over the patch where they keep popping up so will salvage them, grow them and even gave two teeny tiny baby ones to friends last night so lets see if they can get them to this size. 

And today, back to the rocky lush beach for a swim and a Sunday afty chill... 

Check out this mermaid... She's lovely! 

My strange addiction as I like to call it.

Smooth glass I pick up from the beach, along with a bit of coral type stuff. I do love some sea glass. Smooth and eclectic, and all pieces would have a story to tell if they could.

Another little mermaid. (copy cat) 

There is a quick wrap up for any one who happens to read this. 

Do you have a strange addiction? 

I dare you to tell me. 

x