It's been a while, but here I am. I think Facebook and Instagram has really played a big part in me not having a big urge to blog much... I get my 'things' out there pretty quickly on both mediums and feel like I have not much more left to say. It's out there in the photos I take and the pages I like on fb and the comments I make...
But I do have things to say, and this is my place to say them. I'm not sure who even reads this blog or indeed if anyone does. I'm not sure I'm bothered either way, I guess I could make it private and write whatever the hell I like, but I feel that if I leave it open, I at least will write things with a little bit of censorship. I am also worried about who will read the things I write. Maybe I could start a totally anonymous blog and really let fly. Bride stripped bare style! LOL! No, I couldn't do that.
Today I have been doing a little soul searching. What do I want? How am I going to get it? Who am I?
Why do I let other people affect me so much? (this is my main thing)
I am feeling a bit as if I'm not important to some people... And that's ok. I was upset at something Friday night but it ended up being a good thing as it fuelled me to look at ways I can feel better about myself and look for ways to make that happen.
So, I had a cry Friday night. I was feeling frustrated. I miss miss miss my husband. Would I feel better if he was home every night? ABSOLUTELY!!! But it's just not that easy. I would love my husband to be home every night, just it's just not gonna happen anytime soon.... Unless we move again and I can't face that for various reasons. Unless it's the tropics, tropics I can do. If my husband was home every night that is...
A little while ago I read one of Tatum's blog posts about goal setting, and it really resonated with me. I'm a bit of a bumbler, I bumble through and never really sort shit out. So today, after feeling so crap last night, I decided that I wasn't going to let what others do make me feel like shit anymore. I guess I really am an insecure type of person. If you are a friend of mine reading this, I'm not sure if this part of me makes it to the surface... Or does it?
I made a big list of things that I want to change or remember about life.
Things like...
reconnecting with old friends and connecting more with new ones.
get more involved. with Kindy, with school.
be a good role model for my kids.
stay out of other peoples drama or it'll become my drama.
make good choices and lose the guilt.
enjoy and take control of this parenting journey.
get outdoors more, in the garden, down the beach on a shitty day, just to feel the air on the skin.
be grateful and AWARE of what I do have.
don't worry about people who don't worry about you. touché
set limits for myself on social media. It can be a life sucker....
exercise.
don't eat what I don't need.
that I don't have to be happy all the time.
control what I can, let go of the rest.
and to also start making goals to become an SSO sometime next year. (that's another brainstorming session)
So all these and more are written on a A4 sheet and stuck above my bed, to remind me of who I am and what I want to attract in life...
I am ok.
I think of my emotions and my life as a rollercoaster, there are ups and downs. When I feel down, I just know there is an up around the corner, and THAT is what keeps me feeling ok. And I am who I am. Sometimes that depresses me. I look at other people who 'have' it all 'together' but in my heart I know that we all struggle, and we all could be kinder to each other and to ourselves.
Phew, who needs a therapist, you just need a blog!!
Anyways.. Onto things that are making me happy lately...
Rainbows.. Enough said.
Crafty kids...
A jumping kid.
Lemon and garlic on roast veg. Too good. Try it. Roast lemon is really good!
A dolphin swimming along as I walked...
My chicken noodle salad.
Looking forward to this book landing in my mailbox this week..
Crocheting all these squares together, feeling kinda proud.
And some wisdom just for me. Come with love and I'll love you right back.
Today's rainbow.. I do love them.
I'm out of here. Are you like me and totally overthink things? Are you trying to make yourself feel a little better? There's so much to be grateful for, it's a matter of seeing it...
xx
