Week 2

Well, here I am at the end of week 2, and I've kept up the walking weekdays except for yesterday when Mia stayed home from school. I thought I could ask one of my parents to come up and stay with the kids while I went out but they were both busy so it didn't happen. Doesn't matter though. I had a pretty crap day with the kids, Mia should have gone to school, and next time I'll send her with a note to say that she can come home if she's ill. Not keep her home and then discover that she isn't sick after all. The girls have been bickering quite a lot and I found myself on Wednesday feeling exhausted. Crazy exhausted. And then the motivation slips, and then yesterday I didn't really care that I didn't go for a walk, but I think if I had of it would have helped me to feel better. I just feel a bit out of whack. Missing Brenton being here of an evening. Two years of FIFO and I still get down about it all sometimes. Some parts of me wish we'd never left but a huge part of me is happy that we are here too, but feel like I'm not being the best Mum I can be, just overwhelmed with it all at times. When the motivation is high, all is well, but when things slip, (and my motivation waxes and wanes and I don't even know why) it all goes a bit astray. And that's when I start to question everything. 

It's going to be my birthday on Monday. I think as an adult I just get less and less excited about celebrating. I'm certainly not worried about ageing. That doesn't bother me at all. I feel I'm a much better person in my late 30's than ever before. I like myself alot more. And having my little family is a big part of that. 

Brenton is home in 5 sleeps. We are supposed to be going camping while he is home over the long weekend. I hope the weather holds out for us. A little bit of rain is ok, but not buckets and not much wind either. Too much to ask for? Ok, I know I'm asking too much but it's been 5 months since we have gone, so I think I'm allowed to beg Hughie for some good weather. (Hughie, for those that don't know, is the fantasy male figure who controls the weather!!) (Have you heard of him?)

Other than all that, I've been cleaning, crocheting little bit of gardening and watching copious amounts of Offspring. I only have 3 eps of Season 3 to go and then I'm caught up to the new Season which sucks because then I'll be waiting for weekly doses. I need to find my copy of Season 1 to lend to a friend, who knows where I've put it but I haven't forgotten my friend if you so happen to read this!! 

Happy Friday and hope you have a good weekend. I'm off out Saturday night which is a welcome thing. A night without the kids!! Yay!! One time when I went out, my Mum bought them back at 8:30 the next morning which I kindly asked NOT to happen this time. I need a sleep in. And I probably won't sleep in at all, but I just need a little time to myself. Although I must say my fantasy is getting a sea view room at the Lincoln, crocheting, vodka, room service and a couple of good movies.. LOL! 

Til next time. 

Walk

This week I've been walking. 4 days in a row and tommorow will make it 5. I'm going to walk 5 days a week. I've said it. Not quite out loud, but it's out nonetheless. 

I've been watching from the sidelines proudly as my friends get fit and go running or go to the gym.. I haven't been happy with myself that I'm just not doing anything.. 

What's that saying? 

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.... 

(or something like that) 

Or my favourite..

I'm not even sure where I found this, maybe on Facebook perhaps on pinterest. But I do like it. I can fantasise about a better me all I like but if I don't change things, things won't change. 

So from now on, I'm not going to over think this walking everyday, just going to get out and do it. I still have Lexi's pram and seeing as she's still a pipsqueek, I know she will happily sit in it while we get out there and walk on the days she isn't at Kindy or at Nanna and Poppys place. 

I am one of those women who wonder who is watching me, of making a fool of myself (and yes, to friends of mine, that particular statement might be hard to believe) and feeling intimidated (in my head) of other more capable people... but I am ultra self conscious... I wear the same sorts of clothes, and do the same sorts of things all the time. Because I am comfortable with that. I have been comfortable for too long. I self sabotage all the time!! Not long til 40 now, time to get the skates on. When I build up a little bit of confidence I wouldn't mind doing some work on my upper body.. Not sure about the tuck shop lady arms that are happening, and I like feeling strong and capable and lately I feel myself weakening...  It's a sign of getting older perhaps. Hard to accept when you still feel like you're about 20!! That's what keeps me feeling positive about ageing, is that I still feel young (maybe act too young) 

It's all about confidence really... I just want to feel good about myself. And some days I do and some days I don't. But I can say that I'm feeling pretty good this week. Eating properly (without over thinking that too) and walking. I can feel myself walking taller already. 

How are you? Are you walking tall? 

x